The best masturbation jokes

A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15." The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
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has 64.81 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, disgusting, masturbation, time
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they? A: His left hand and his right hand.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: masturbation, men, sex
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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has 62.82 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
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has 61.84 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, money, women
What do you call a truck full of dildos? Toys for Twats.
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has 55.44 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: car, gay, life, masturbation
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
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has 55.00 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Gay translation I want a commitment. I'm sick of masturbation. Haven't I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You're the only man I've ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn't rejected me. I'm a Romantic. I'm poor. I really want to get to know you better. So I can tell my friends about it. It's just orange juice, try it. 3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head. He's kinda cute. I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue! He's not my type. He won't sleep with me. I miss you so much I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good. I had a wonderful time last night. Who the hell are you? Do you love me? I've done something stupid and you might find out. Do you 'really' love me? I've done something stupid and you're going to find out. I'll give you a call. I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again. I've been thinking a lot. You're not as attractive as when I was drunk. I think we should just be friends. You're ugly. I've learned a lot from you. Next!!!!
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has 54.92 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: animal, gay, love, masturbation, ugly
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
A son and the dad are walking around on the streets. The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind." The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids, life, masturbation
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