The best mean jokes

My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Vote:
has 63.79 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, friendship, mean
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
Vote:
has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position. I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy. He agreed with me. I got upset that he agreed. I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Vote:
has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, mean, women, work
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
Vote:
has 62.77 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: beauty, kids, little Johnny, mean, poems
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, friendship, marriage, mean
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Vote:
has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, friendship, mean
St. Peter was sat next to the god in heaven when the all of a sudden the pearly gates started to rattle. God said to Peter,"go and see who is rattling the gates." Peter ran down the stairway to heaven and opened the pearly gates and there stood a dirty unwashed man in a vest. Peter looked the man up and down and said "yes' can I help you?" The man replied in a broad Irish accent, "Top of the mornin to ya sur, would the good lord have any scrap he be not wanting?" St. Peter stood silent for a moment then said: "wait here a moment." Peter shut the gate and ran back up the stairway to heaven and said to God, "It's Pykies my lord, wanting scrap." God says to St. Peter "Shit! Lock everything up and hide the keys, then go back down and tell them to bugger off!" Peter runs down the stairway to heaven opens the gate and tells "the pykie to bugger off, slams the pearly gates shut and locks it. Peter returns to the lord." God says to Peter, "we'll give it half hour then go and see if they have gone." A half hour passed. "Peter! Go and see if they have gone!" Peter runs down the stairway to heaven then returns to God panting and says to God "They have gone, my Lord!" "Good" says God, "and so have the pearly gates, my lord."
Vote:
has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, god, heaven, mean, time
Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal? Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"
Vote:
has 61.90 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: family, little Johnny, mean, old people, teacher
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse? Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
Vote:
has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, mean
<<<14151617
More jokes →
Page 14 of 22.