Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Q: What's the worst part about sex? A: When they wake up!
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."