The best mean jokes

"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, mean, money, time
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him. "Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: accountant, doctor, geography, mean
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
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has 63.79 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, friendship, mean
How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, mean
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: kids, mean, ugly
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball". So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball." So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, game, golf, mean, time
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: baby, fat, mean, single, time
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, mean, technology
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
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