Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark.
Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house.
A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?"
"'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
Vote:
A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Yo mama is so dirty when she jumped in the bath water the water jumped out and said "No I'm good."
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry.
So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Vote:
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.