The best mean jokes

My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, mean, wife, women
St. Peter was sat next to the god in heaven when the all of a sudden the pearly gates started to rattle. God said to Peter,"go and see who is rattling the gates." Peter ran down the stairway to heaven and opened the pearly gates and there stood a dirty unwashed man in a vest. Peter looked the man up and down and said "yes' can I help you?" The man replied in a broad Irish accent, "Top of the mornin to ya sur, would the good lord have any scrap he be not wanting?" St. Peter stood silent for a moment then said: "wait here a moment." Peter shut the gate and ran back up the stairway to heaven and said to God, "It's Pykies my lord, wanting scrap." God says to St. Peter "Shit! Lock everything up and hide the keys, then go back down and tell them to bugger off!" Peter runs down the stairway to heaven opens the gate and tells "the pykie to bugger off, slams the pearly gates shut and locks it. Peter returns to the lord." God says to Peter, "we'll give it half hour then go and see if they have gone." A half hour passed. "Peter! Go and see if they have gone!" Peter runs down the stairway to heaven then returns to God panting and says to God "They have gone, my Lord!" "Good" says God, "and so have the pearly gates, my lord."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication, god, heaven, mean, time
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, mean
Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: mean
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, office, work
Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. "Let's play schools". "OK!" said Jinny. "But I'm going to be absent."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: friendship, game, mean, school, time
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, love, mean, wedding
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
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has 64.13 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology
Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes? A: 12 pirates.
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has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: mean, pirate
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: family, graduation, mean, money, time
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