I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: What is the most dangerous part of a motorcycle? A: The nut between the seat and the handlebars.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy" Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?" "Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: "Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com."
Sorry, I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road? A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.