My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
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I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
An IRS agent is lying on his psychiatrist's couch bemoaning the fact that everyone in the world hates him.
"Nonsense", says his doctor. "Everyone in the world doesn't hate you. Everyone in the United States, perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
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My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
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Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? "
Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry.
So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
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