The best mean jokes

At a Whitehouse party for past presidents. Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha. Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."
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More jokes about: kids, mean, political, ugly, women
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!" The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
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More jokes about: animal, lawyer, mean, sport, time
I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game. This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball". So I adjusted my stance and took another swing. Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball." So I stepped back a little more and swung. This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hell are you talking about! The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".
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More jokes about: communication, game, golf, mean, time
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Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, mean, time, work
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
Vote: has 56.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, history, mean, women
Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
Vote: has 55.71 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, god, mean
Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, mean, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fake even China denied that they made her.
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More jokes about: ethnic, mean, Yo mama
How come there aren't that many jokes about Jim Jones? The punchlines are too long.
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More jokes about: celebrity, mean
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
Vote: has 54.26 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, marriage, mean, party


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