The best memory jokes

A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars. "But I paid, don't you remember?" said the customer. "Okay," said the bartender. "If you say you paid, you did. The man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn't keep track of his customers' bills. The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt. The barkeep replied, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks. The man hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when, suddenly, the bartender leaned over and said, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responded. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, memory, money
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory. He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. "Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away. Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?" The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."
Vote: has 72.05 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, elephant, football, geography, memory
Yo momma so old... Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
Vote: has 71.61 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, memory, old people, Yo mama
Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. " The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: memory, old people, time, wedding
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me." "That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?" "You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hospital, medical, memory, old people, wife
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, flirt, memory, sex, time
Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..." In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, history, memory, phone, stupid
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home. The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him. Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?" The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: memory, old people, political
Yo' Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, insulting, memory, Yo mama
Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things." Doctor: "I understand." Patient: "Understand what?"
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, memory