Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Vote:
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce.
The priest was surprised.
"Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about."
The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned."
"Ah"” said the priest, "a parable."
"In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.