The best jokes about men

Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
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has 69.03 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, sex
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
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has 68.82 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, men
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: age, family, men, money, women
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
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has 68.73 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
One day Mrs. Smith went to have a talk with the minister at thelocal church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this needle with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Smith is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Smith dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the needle. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Smith," said the minister. Soon, Mr.Smith nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Smith. "God!" Mr. Smith cried out as he was stuck again with the needle. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.Smith again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Smith mistook as signals to prod her husband with the needle again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Smith poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I’ll break it in half and shove it up your a***s!" "Amen," replied the congregation.
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: church, god, husband, men, work
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: food, men, sex, women
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: business, men, money, viagra
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, men, music
Warning ladies! Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY". This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
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has 68.38 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: men, sex, women
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