Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy" Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Q: What would men do if they had breasts? A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
Alex an Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell 'green side up' - what is that for?" The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Kiwi's laying the turf out front."
How to Impress a Woman: compliment her, kiss her, caress her, love her, comfort her, protect her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, listen to her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. How to Impress a Man: show up naked, bring beer.