What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
Q: What was the first word out of Adam's mouth when he first saw Eve?
A: Whoa man! Thus, the word "woman" was created.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.