The best military jokes

How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
A knight walked into a blacksmith's shop. The blacksmith said: "You've got mail."
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has 33.31 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: military
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: military
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military
This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. "Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors." The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly." "Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: military
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? Seasoned troops!
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has 31.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: military
Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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has 31.06 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, military, women
Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? They need a map.
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has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: military
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."
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has 29.42 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: military
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