How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
They both wear stripes.
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers.
"My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12."
"Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals."
"He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."
"Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much.
But he would be 152 years old."
Q: What's brown and in the military?
A: Gomer's pile.
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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
A knight walked into a blacksmith's shop.
The blacksmith said: "You've got mail."
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks:
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
Chuck Norris can find Osama Bin Laden!
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