The best military jokes

There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."
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has 38.74 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military, money
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
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has 38.74 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
Chuck Norris once joined the Army. That's how the motto, "An Army of One" was created.
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has 37.14 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
America doesn't need a military... We've got Chuck Norris
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has 37.14 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
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has 36.08 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: military
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: military
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6.
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has 34.70 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, military
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
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has 33.86 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: military
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