The best military jokes

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!” So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked “How did you do it?” “Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, “Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!”
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: military
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class. Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad. To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him. "Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military. The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military. The Marine Corps is a cult. The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'." So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?" Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation. Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other." By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did. "What did you do in the military, dad?" "Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."
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has 37.36 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: air force, little Johnny, military, navy, school
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
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has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: military
Chuck Norris once joined the Army. That's how the motto, "An Army of One" was created.
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has 36.82 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
America doesn't need a military... We've got Chuck Norris
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has 36.82 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
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has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, military
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
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has 36.03 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, military, war
Chuck Norris had six kids, they were called SEAL TEAM 6.
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has 35.73 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, military
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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has 34.69 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: death, military
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