The best money jokes

Q: When do accountants laugh out loud? A: When somebody asks for a raise.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
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has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: food, money
A presser in a tailor shop arrived one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring. One of the tailors noticed the sparkler and asked about it. "My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: beauty, death, funeral, money, mother in law
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex, the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashed. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife what's up. "Well," she replied, "not everyone is as cheap as you are."
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has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: money
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived". The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver). The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: "what was that for?". The drunken man replied: "control your speed next time! you nearly killed us!!!"
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has 73.20 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, money
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
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has 73.06 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: management, money, stupid
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. A bittersweet victory.
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, money
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 72.98 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
I lost 125 pounds. It took me a long time, and it cost me a lot of money, but I finally divorced the bitch!
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: divorce, mean, money, time
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