One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner.
In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence. After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first.
After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me."
Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says.
The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself.
The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me."
The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas."
The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!"
He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!"
He smiles smugly.
The rabit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gay."
We’re all self-made but only the rich and successful like to admit it.
Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair."
Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!"
Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."
Why are men like bank accounts?
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic?
A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.
Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?
Yo Mama So fat...
She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000.
This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000.
Here we have a policeman's brain as well.
It costs $50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"
"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."
The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.
This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00."
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit:
"Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent.
"Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."