The best money jokes

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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has 72.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, memory, money, old people
A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries. After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, "We don't see too many deer around here." "At these prices," replied the buck, "I'm not surprised."
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, money
Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
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has 71.92 % from 201 votes. More jokes about: internet, money, women
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
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has 71.87 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, money, wife
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 71.74 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: “What is the usual tip?” “Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.” “Is that so?” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.” “Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.” “What are you studying in school?” asked Larry. The lad smiled and said: “Applied psychology.”
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has 71.60 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: college, money, school
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty stupid, but says his wife is more stupid. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a dick!"
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: bar, money, stupid, wife, women
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
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has 71.46 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: medical, men, money, sex, women
Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair." Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!" Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."
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has 71.45 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: beauty, money, party, teen
Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money? A: He is always a little to short.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, communication, money
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