The best money jokes

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, geography, memory, money, old people
Yo Mama So fat... She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
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has 72.91 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: fat, money, Yo mama
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived". The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver). The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: "what was that for?". The drunken man replied: "control your speed next time! you nearly killed us!!!"
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has 72.76 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, money
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.
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has 72.70 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: democrat, food, money, political
A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, " All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, " Money, what for?" " What for?", the Prostitute growled, "Look up Prostitute in the dictionary and read what it says." So the Koala looked up prostitute in the dictionary. It said, "Prostitute- A woman who is paid to have sex." " Okay," said the Koala, " now you look up Koala in the dictionary, and read what it says." So the Prostitute looked up Koala in the dictionary. It said, "Koala- A furry animal who eats bush, then leaves."
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has 72.69 % from 283 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, sex
Kamasutra says: If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
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has 72.62 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, money, sex, women
Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
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has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, money
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
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has 72.39 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: fat, life, love, money, women
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