The best money jokes

We’re all self-made but only the rich and successful like to admit it.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: money
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: kids, money, wine
Q: Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? A: They never want to log off.
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has 70.83 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, internet, money
Yo' Mama is so poor, when you ring her doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DONG!"
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
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has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: management, money, stupid
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
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has 70.75 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: car, money, Yo mama
Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."
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has 70.59 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: military, money
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
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has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, doctor, dog, money
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: blonde, hunting, money
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop, money
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