Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
Pawn Stars:
Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?"
Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
‘If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?’ Steven Wright
Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service.
“There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”
He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
Vote:
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine."
The doctor was very much pleased.
He asked: "Did it really help you?"
Patient: "It helped me wonderfully."
Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?"
Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."