The best money jokes

In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts. Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him. Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, life, money
Q: How do pirates make their money? A: By hook or by crook!
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money, pirate
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation. It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company. The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive. I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy. I wish well to myself.
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, money
Knock knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, mean, money
Yo' Mama is so poor, her bathroom consists of a tin can and a pile of leaves.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. While drinking he notices on the back shelf, a giant glass jar full of dollar bills. He asks the bartender "what's with all the $"? The bartender replies, "it's a game customers play. They put $50 in the jar, and have to complete 3 tasks to win the bulk". The man says, shocked, "well what are the tasks? There must be thousands in that jar". The bartender responds "you must pay the $50 before given the tasks". The man refuses and claims that's stupid. But after a few beers, curiosity gets to him and he decides to pay the fee. The bartender explains "The three tasks are... you must first drink this entire bottle of tequila until it's empty. Next, outback is an angry, stray Rottweiler who has a horrible tooth which needs to be removed. And lastly, upstairs in the apartment is an old lady who's been widowed for 45 years and hasn't had an orgasm since. So you must also give her a wild time to extreme pleasure to win the reward". The man agrees and starts with a few sips of the spirit, takes a break then chugs the rest of the entire bottle! Already feeling wasted and dazed, he stumbles out of his stool, and towards the back exit. Once outside, the bartender and other customers can only listen to what is happening. After a few barks and growls, all of a sudden the dog lets out a loud whimper. In stumbles, the daring man, clothes shredded and blood spattered. The customer's mouths were hanging wide open. The bartender asks " oh my god, nobody's ever done that, is the dog going to be alright?!" "Ahhhh Don't worry about that damn dog" shouts the drunken man. "Just tell me where the old bitch is who needs that tooth pulled". Heard this from an old man, not sure where he got it from, or if it's on here already or not.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: bar, beer, dog, money, vulgar
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: money, phone, Yo mama
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
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