The best money jokes

A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. “There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.” He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: money, old people
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
Vote:
has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Vote:
has 62.85 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
Vote:
has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: god, insulting, money, Yo mama
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Vote:
has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
‘Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.’ Jay Leno
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping. ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says. She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
Vote:
has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class. She would tell the class the word and its meaning, then ask them to come up with a few sentences that included the word for the day. One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was "frugal." She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves. She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word. The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand. Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story: "There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldn’t get out. One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing. The princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me! Frugal me!' So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after."
Vote:
has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: money, music, teacher
<<<43444546
More jokes →
Page 43 of 85.