The best money jokes

Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, money
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
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has 62.50 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, money, morbid
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, money, music
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
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has 62.40 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: money
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: money
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, money, phone, work
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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has 62.10 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, divorce, money
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.06 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
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