The best money jokes

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fucking-believable!"
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has 62.19 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: What travels at 200km's a hour? A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.
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has 62.13 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: money, racist, travel
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, music, stupid, Yo mama
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
Yo mama so poor, when I ring the door bell, she yells: DING DONG!
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
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has 61.50 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, money, morbid
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, money, music
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