The best money jokes

About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
Vote: has 63.61 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, insulting, money, Yo mama
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Vote: has 63.58 % from 86 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. "That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the proprietor. "Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story." He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, all the rats drowned. He returned to the store shortly. "Ah-ha!" said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, right?" "Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, money
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.” He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money, women
A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’ ‘Is that so?’ says the manager. ‘And what companies are those?’ The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money
Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
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More jokes about: money
The policeman tells Johny at the police station following: "The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?" Johny: "Only three euros." The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, little Johnny, money
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Vote: has 63.06 % from 537 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, marriage, money
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, money


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