The best money jokes

Signs You're No Longer in College... You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. Your potted plants stay alive. You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill. Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces. You attend parties that the police don't raid. You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking. You refer to college students as "those kids." You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza. At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out. Naps are no longer weekday options. Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy. Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips. You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
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has 62.19 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: college, divorce, food, marriage, money
About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, god, life, money, time
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, music, stupid, Yo mama
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?" Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY." Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, husband, money
Yo mama so poor, when I ring the door bell, she yells: DING DONG!
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, money, phone, work
Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: accountant, college, ethnic, money, war
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
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has 61.37 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: god, insulting, money, Yo mama
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