The best money jokes

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
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has 54.67 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, priest, wedding
Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
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has 54.59 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: elf, money
‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: business, flirt, food, money, sex
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
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has 54.24 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, wife
Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
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has 54.18 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
Why is it that when a man talks nasty to a women it’s sexual harassment, but when a women talks nasty to a man it’s £3.99 a minute?
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
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has 54.07 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ." "That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
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has 53.70 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, money, wife
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