The best money jokes

Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money.
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has 54.73 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: black people, money, racist, work
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, money
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, mechanic, medical, money
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
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has 54.60 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, priest, wedding
‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: accountant, geography, money, Santa, tax
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, money, Yo mama
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
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has 54.24 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, wife
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
Why is it that when a man talks nasty to a women it’s sexual harassment, but when a women talks nasty to a man it’s £3.99 a minute?
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money
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