‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
Why is it that when a man talks nasty to a women it’s sexual harassment, but when a women talks nasty to a man it’s £3.99 a minute?
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned over and pushed me.