The best money jokes

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money? A: In a snow bank.
Vote:
has 53.78 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: money, winter
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
Vote:
has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, wife
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned over and pushed me.
Vote:
has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: money
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
Vote:
has 53.52 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: beauty, marriage, money, priest, wedding
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ." "That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."
Vote:
has 53.31 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, money, wife
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Vote:
has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: money, weed
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Vote:
has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, little Johnny, math, money, vulgar
I married my wife for her money. And believe me, I’ve earned it.
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial. When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
<<<57585960
More jokes →
Page 57 of 83.