Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can rent it for a couple of hours.
A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money. ‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk. The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.