After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
I married my wife for her money. And believe me, I’ve earned it.
A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial. When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money? A: In a snow bank.
Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..." "That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".