The best money jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, when she farts, her holey underwear whistles.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: fart, insulting, money, Yo mama
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, money, technology, work
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill? A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: easter, life, men, money, Santa
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize. "To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'" "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, game, money, Santa
A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money
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