The best money jokes

‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
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Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension. The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home. He said to her that he had to go home and return later. The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt." And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest. "These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form. When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened. "You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
Vote: has 51.93 % from 82 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, marriage, money, wife, women
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?" And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?" And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"
Vote: has 51.86 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, jewish, money
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
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Why does ET have such big eyes? He saw the phone bill.
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More jokes about: money
I went to the groceries because I wanted to buy one bottle of milk. I have found out that I´ve got only 0,50 cent and the mild has cost 1 euro. I have told the saleswoman that I have only 0,50 cent and I want to buy one bottle of milk. She has solved the situation very practically. She has taken the mop, went to the storage, cleaned the floor with spilled milk on it, she has pressed out the mop to the carry bag and gave it to me. At home I have added this milk to the coffee, I have felt something like stones or something like that under my teeth, but the coffee was really tasty. After that came my friends and the party has continued as usual.
Vote: has 51.67 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, customer service, friendship, money, party
This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Vote: has 50.78 % from 111 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: game, kids, money, work
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, money, wife
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
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