The best money jokes

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, money
Don’t spend money having your shirts laundered. Donate them to a charity shop, then when they’ve cleaned them, buy them back.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, health, money, old people, wife
What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, money
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, money, technology, work
‘Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.’ Groucho Marx
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: money
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