The best money jokes

Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
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has 48.41 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, love, money, sex, Valentines day
A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?" The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money
What leads most people into debt? Trying to catch up with people who are already there.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, money, Yo mama
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money, wife
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, death, money
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: family, food, kids, mean, money
Chuck Norris has never received an electricity bill, he powers everything with his rage
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has 48.11 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that? TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out? TECH: I'm not sure I understand? CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?" "Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
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