A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Don’t spend money having your shirts laundered.
Donate them to a charity shop, then when they’ve cleaned them, buy them back.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
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Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
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‘Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.’
Groucho Marx
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.