This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.
If God had meant us to pay taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Using a credit card is a convenient way to spend money you wish you had.
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"
Where to birds invest their money? In the stork market!
A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.