Where to birds invest their money? In the stork market!
After any salary rise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
We have our water metered and it’s very expensive. The other day the house was on fire and we didn’t know whether it would be cheaper to let it burn.
A man goes into a bank and asks the cashier to check his balance, so the cashier pushes him over.
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp? The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.