The best money jokes

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A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?” St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”

‘Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.’ Groucho Marx

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.

Dick’s family were very poor – when the wolf came to the door, they ate it.

If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.

Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street and I asked her, "What are you doing?" and she said, "Moving".

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.

I went to the groceries because I wanted to buy one bottle of milk. I have found out that I´ve got only 0,50 cent and the mild has cost 1 euro. I have told the saleswoman that I have only 0,50 cent and I want to buy one bottle of milk. She has solved the situation very practically. She has taken the mop, went to the storage, cleaned the floor with spilled milk on it, she has pressed out the mop to the carry bag and gave it to me. At home I have added this milk to the coffee, I have felt something like stones or something like that under my teeth, but the coffee was really tasty. After that came my friends and the party has continued as usual.