The best money jokes

Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."

That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.

Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.

In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal. He answered: "Where?" The country went bankrupt.

‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin

If God had meant us to pay taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

Using a credit card is a convenient way to spend money you wish you had.