A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.
Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin
If God had meant us to pay taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.