The best money jokes

You know who's mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum. Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Vote:
has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: mean, money, sport, women
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that? TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out? TECH: I'm not sure I understand? CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
A man is talking to the tax inspector who’s come to review his records. The inspector says, ‘As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.’ ‘Thank God for that,’ replies the man. ‘I thought you were going to ask for cash.’
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
Don’t spend money having your shirts laundered. Donate them to a charity shop, then when they’ve cleaned them, buy them back.
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: money
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, money, sex
You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
Vote:
has 49.79 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: car, money, political, republican
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower. After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00. The lawyer, enraged, says: “I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!” “Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, money, technology, work
<<<60616263
More jokes →
Page 60 of 83.