Men are like.....Coffee The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
‘Money frees you from doing things you dislike, since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.’ Groucho Marx
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can down the street and I asked her, "What are you doing?" and she said, "Moving".
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible? A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?" The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.