The best money jokes

‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.’
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money
Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension. The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home. He said to her that he had to go home and return later. The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt." And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest. "These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form. When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened. "You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
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has 51.93 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: age, marriage, money, wife, women
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: money
Why does ET have such big eyes? He saw the phone bill.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: money
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before. "It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted. Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag. "Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter. "All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, hunting, money, time
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
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has 50.78 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: game, kids, money, work
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: husband, money, wife
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money
Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump. "Well, go in the bushes." "What should I use to wipe my ass?" "Use a dollar bill." A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands. "What happened?" asks his friend. "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, hunting, money
Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
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