Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar.
The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks.
The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo.
The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says,
"What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says, "Play it?
If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather?
A. Drizzle
Chuck Norris made the Beatles cross Abbey Road.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Chuck Norris told Wiz Khalifa what it is.
Michael Jackson does moonwalk because he doesn't have time to turn and run away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!