A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather? A. Drizzle
Yo mamma is stupid she bought tickets to Flo ridas concert but instead she went to Florida.
Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants. Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
Chuck Norris can beatbox with a triangle.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer? When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
Motley Crue released a new song called "Roundhouse Kickstart My Heart" dedicated to Chuck Norris. It will be number one in the top 40 forever.
After Chuck Norris created Jazz he decided to do a bit of scat, today we refer to his song as the alphabet.
I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Sign at a gay nudist colony: "Gentlemen playing leapfrog are requested to complete their leaps!"