I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Q: Why can't skeletons play music at a church? A: They have no organs.
Rappers are like the pens at the bank. They all have chains on them, and don't write very well.
Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
One day Chuck Norris wanted to make a prank to whole world. So Justin Bieber was created.
Eminem says "I'm not afraid". Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"