Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing, either.
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks.
Chuck Norris can skip a track on a cassette.
Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"
Mom can i buy some heels? No. Mom can i buy a bra? No. Mom can i buy a dress? No. Mom can i buy a barbie doll? No. You never let me buy anything! Shut up, Justin.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.