Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played music like a Stravinsky.
"Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef.
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that goo off of your chinsky."
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown.
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better.
Than a bomb in a letter.
Given the choice of how to be blown.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter...
I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
What is Jehovah's wiseness favorite band?
The Doors.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a theme song because, you won't hear anything once your roundhouse kicked in the face.
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Chuck Norris can keep up with the Kardashians.
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.