Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music!
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar.
The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks.
The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo.
The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says,
"What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says, "Play it?
If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Eminem says "I'm not afraid".
Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
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Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
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Sign at a gay nudist colony: "Gentlemen playing leapfrog are requested to complete their leaps!"
Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
A: Fiddler on the hoof.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall?
A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd!
Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall?
A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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