Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish?
Kim: I..
*Kanye grabs mic*
Kanye: She do.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Vote:
Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
Eminem says "I'm not afraid".
Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
Vote:
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why?
A: The Scorpions. Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.
Mom can i buy some heels?
No.
Mom can i buy a bra?
No.
Mom can i buy a dress?
No.
Mom can i buy a barbie doll?
No. You never let me buy anything!
Shut up, Justin.
Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter...
I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.