I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Eminem says "I'm not afraid". Chuck Norris says "I love the way you lie"
Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do.
I'm actually glad that 2 Chainz mentions his name at the begin of every song. It gives me time to change the radio station.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.