Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.
An FM station has a competition where they ring someone up and ask them three personal questions. Then they ring their spouse or partner and ask them the same three questions. If the answers are the same, the couple wins a holiday to Bali. Last week the competition went like this: Presenter: Hello, it's XXX-FM, do you want to play the game? Brian: Yeah, sure. Presenter: O.K., Question 1 — when was the last time you had sex? Brian: Oh, mate. Well, about 8 o'clock this morning. Presenter: And how long did it go for, Brian ? Brian: Oh, about 10 minutes. Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it, mate? Brian: Oh, mate, I can't say that. Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here, Brian ! Brian: Okay, okay...on the kitchen table. Presenter: (much laughter). Good one, Brian. Now, is it okay for us to call your wife? Brian: Yeah, all right. Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you? Sharelle: Hi. Good, thanks. Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello. Sharelle: Hi, Brian. Brian: Hi, Sharelle. Presenter: Now, Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali. Brian: Just tell the truth, honey. Sharelle: Okay. Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex ? Sharelle: Oh, no, I can't say that on the radio. Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them. Sharelle: Okay. About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work. Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle? Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes. Co-Presenter: That's close enough...Brian was just being a gentleman. Presenter: Okay, Sharelle — final question. Where did you do it? Sharelle: Oh, no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no. Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here. Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway. Just tell them. Sharelle: Oh, all right. Up the arse! Radio Silence — Advertising Presenter: Sorry if anyone was offended before, we're going live here, and sometimes these things happen. We've given Brian and Sharelle the holiday. Now we'll take a music break.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall? A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd! Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall? A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Baby, baby, baby ooh! Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber? Daughter: No, I'm watching porn. Mom: Oh, thank goodness.
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing, either.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But In the end, it doesn't even matter.