Q: What will my computer printer warranty cover? A: Your mouse pad.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states: Matter cannot be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Knock-knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, to whom.
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
Two kittens on a sloped roof. Wchich one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR? A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.