The best phone jokes

Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, phone, wife
A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote: has 51.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, marriage, phone, sex, wife
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, beauty, phone, school, science
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, women
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, phone, Yo mama
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: driving, old people, phone, stupid, wife
Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus? GarageBend.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, music, phone, technology
There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain. One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police. The police picked up the phone, and said hello. Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody." Police: "Sorry!" Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody" Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?" Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody" Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?" Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."
Vote: has 50.29 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, cop, family, phone, stupid
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.
Vote: has 49.86 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time