The best phone jokes

A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote: has 50.97 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, marriage, phone, sex, wife
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.
Vote: has 49.86 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4. He can now multi task and use face time.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone, time
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, phone
A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!"
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, doctor, phone
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, phone, Yo mama
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone, technology
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, phone, technology
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
Your mamma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone!
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama