Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..." In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.