Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!
Pavlov walks into a bar.
The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."
Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
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An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm.
An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales?
Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.
Every mobile phone user has complained like this:
Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, because now I have to change the whole text.
My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?"
I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."
He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"
I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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