Yo mama so fat she stepped on a weight machine and someone said "hey that's my phone number"!
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator:
"My friend is dead!
What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:
"Take it easy.
I can help.
First, we have to be sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
Your iphone will keep crashing!
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm.
An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor.
That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Vote:
There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain.
One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police.
The police picked up the phone, and said hello.
Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody."
Police: "Sorry!"
Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody"
Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?"
Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody"
Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?"
Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."
So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"