The best phone jokes

How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Vote: has 53.07 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, phone
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, phone, stupid
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
Vote: has 52.50 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fish, marriage, phone, wife
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
Vote: has 52.38 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, phone, wife
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
Vote: has 52.18 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, phone, Yo mama
Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus? GarageBend.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, music, phone, technology
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: driving, old people, phone, stupid, wife
There were five brothers named somebody, nobody, anybody mad and brain. One day somebody and nobody were fighting, and just at that moment the anybody called police. The police picked up the phone, and said hello. Then Anybody: "Hello sir! I want to inform you that somebody is beating nobody." Police: "Sorry!" Anybody: "Sir somebody is beating nobody" Police: "Are you mad? Who are you? What's your name?" Anybody: "No, sir mad is dancing, I am anybody" Police: "Shut up you idiot. What are you saying? Where have your brain gone? Is it lost?" Anybody: "No, sir brain is not lost. Brain is in the bathroom."
Vote: has 48.37 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, cop, family, phone, stupid