The best phone jokes

Someone calls at the hotline: Good evening. I’ve just installed Windows 98... So? Wheel I have a problem... Ok, ok, you just said that...
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, phone
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don’t have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?”" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
Vote: has 40.24 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, phone, women, work
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
Vote: has 36.45 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, school, teacher, war
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 36.32 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Vote: has 35.32 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, sex, Yo mama
One morning I called my girlfriend and his father picked "Hello who are you?" I heard that heavy voice and quickly replied a while "hey Eric where are you the choir is about to begin?" "What choir?" he asked. "Come on Eric stop kidding around and get your ass over here" the father then replied "Sorry am not Eric and I don't know what you are talking about I am dr Stephen" he said. I then said "oh sorry I must have misdialled" I then hang up and decided I am never gonna call that girl again...
Vote: has 35.20 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, communication, dad, phone, relationship
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Vote: has 29.66 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: phone, women
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, phone, women