The best phone jokes

My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?" I said, "It's for sound effects during sex." He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?" I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."
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has 51.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: phone, sex
A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: college, football, phone, sport
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
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has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
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has 50.29 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
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has 50.29 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, IT, phone
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "George, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 110!" George says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: driving, old people, phone, stupid, wife
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, phone, stupid
After a number of attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian American friend Appappa decided to spell it out. "A for apple," he began. "P for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for—" The flustered agent interrupted. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just tell me how many apples and how many pineapples."
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has 48.52 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: asian, communication, customer service, phone, stupid
Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
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has 48.49 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. 'What are you doing dear?' 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' 'How do you know what sex they were?' The man very confidently replied, "Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone."
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, women
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