The best phone jokes

If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..." In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, history, memory, phone, stupid
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting. Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.” So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.” The others nod and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.” So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.” The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
Vote: has 66.16 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, celebrity, fart, IT, phone
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, cop, drunk, phone
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
Vote: has 65.27 % from 554 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: phone, sex, wife
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt, friendship, phone, sex
Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dog, money, phone, work
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure began when Chuck Norris arrived from the future and roundhouse kicked that phone booth into the past.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth? A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: hipster, phone
Jimmy is calling Sergey, who he met at an international conference. Jimmy: "Hi, I've hear there is minus 54 degrees Celsius." Sergey: "Nonsense, not even minus 15!" Jimmy: "But on CNN, they've just shown a thermometer..." Sergey: "Ohh, ok, maybe outside."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: phone, technology, winter, work