One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.) Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie. The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?" The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!" So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates. Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!" And poof, he was there. Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.
You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.
Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.
Q: Why do they say elephants never forget? A: They haven't met Alberto Gonzalez.
Donald Trump is a vain, arrogant, hateful pig. That's why Americans voted him in - he's just like them.
One day President Trump's motorcade was heading to the Mexican border to see first hand progress on The Wall. All of a sudden a naked lone figure was seen bent over on the side of the road. Wanting to help the president ordered the motorcade to stop. He got out and approached the figure and suddenly realized it was Nancy Pelosi. She was naked with her wrists handcuffed to her ankles. The president said, "OMG Nancy what happened?" She cried out that she was kidnapped by a bunch of people wearing MAGA hats and left to die! The president said "Well I'm not going to let that happen" as he was unzipping his zipper. He yelled out to the motorcade "OK boys the line starts behind me"
Well goodnight everyone. I have to get up early tomorrow to do nothing and still make more money than all of you!
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.
What did Barack Obama become after his forty-seventh year? "Forty-eight years old."