The best political jokes

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped. The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Australia's smartest woman took my schoolbag."
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has 73.22 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: airplane, kids, political
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?" "No, I'm still alive."
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, political
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.
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has 72.48 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: democrat, food, money, political
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America.
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has 72.33 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: political
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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has 71.72 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, dog, political
If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.
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has 71.16 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, political
Your mama's so fat the government forced her to wear tailights and blinkers so no one else would get hurt.
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has 70.64 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: fat, political, Yo mama
The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE." Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE! This brings to mind the following illustration... Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately." He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..." "Change, now get on with it!" And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!
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has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, military, political, time
The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: life, political, relationship
We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: political, time
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