A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
Chuck Norris doesn't vote. He elects!
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
We ask the president to make laws. The president asks Chuck Norris.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week? A: Turn on the spell checker.
Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A: A tea party.