The best relationship jokes

“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
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has 77.39 % from 276 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, relationship, wife
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend". "Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"? After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, men, relationship, sex
My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, holiday, relationship
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, relationship, time
My ex-girlfriend loves the heat. She has a nostalgia for hell.
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: love, mean, relationship
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began.  After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour." Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?" Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.  The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?" Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.  Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man." Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.  Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?" Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil." So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fucking!"
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has 76.25 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: desert island, game, relationship, sex
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
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has 76.21 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: dog, relationship, single
2 boys searching for their lost girlfriends: 1st: How your girlfriend look like? 2nd: 5'6, hot, sexy, blue eyes... what about yours? 1st: Forget about mine.. lets search for yours.
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has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: men, relationship
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
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has 75.77 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: business, fat, food, kids, relationship
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 75.02 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship