The best relationship jokes

My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: christian, relationship
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
Vote: has 70.74 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, relationship, terrorist
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
Vote: has 68.85 % from 127 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
Vote: has 68.56 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, men, music, relationship
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split." Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: relationship, work
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'”
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, relationship
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home. Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn." Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?" The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."
Vote: has 66.90 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, dirty, relationship, sex, stupid
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch." The teacher said "When its my break." "Your break for what? the kid asks. "My break up" the teacher said.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, kids, relationship, teacher, time
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, relationship