Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Man comes home from work to find his boyfriend whacking off into a condom. Man says, "WTF?" Boyfriend says, "I am making you a sack lunch!"
Q:Why did the computer lose its trust relationship with the domain? A:Because it was corrupted in active directory and needed to be removed and re-added again!
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!