The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me: "Are you alone?" So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone." "So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl. I fainted...
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split." Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'”