I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
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I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
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"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."
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My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
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Q: What do you call a lesbian with eight girlfriends?
A: An octopus.
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Me: "I'm so lonely."
Person: "Hey!"
Me: "Leave me alone."
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Me: "Will you Remember me in a day?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a week?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a month?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Will you remember me in a year?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Ok, I have a joke.
Her: "Ok."
Me: "Knock, knock."
Her: "Who's there?"
Me: "You didn't remember me."
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Half dressed redneck couple sitting on a couch watching the news on TV with man's arm around the woman.
The man says "Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution.
"We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. "
"Right, Darlin."
The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
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One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'”
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