In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."
Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.
"Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was,
'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."
"So, everyone knows that he was the first president."
"Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson.
"The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?'
Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you."
"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.
"Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson.
"The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'
Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."
Vote:
Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?"
Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!"
Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."
Vote:
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great!
"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100.
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200.
Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?"
Student: "Future impossible tense."
Vote:
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come
up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth
out?"
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
Vote:
Teacher: "I killed a person, tell me this sentence in future tense."
Student: "In future tense, You will go to jail."
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean..." she whispers, "
I would do...anything."
He returns her gaze.
"Anything?"
Anything."
His voice softens.
"Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper.
"Would you...study?"