The best school jokes

Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little attention." Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
Vote: has 81.34 % from 342 votes. Send joke:
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This guy went to school and he asked "May I use the bathroom?" The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's." The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher asked "Where's the p? He replied, " running down my leg!"
Vote: has 81.33 % from 459 votes. Send joke:
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The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?” “No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”
Vote: has 81.33 % from 324 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: little Johnny, school, teacher
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
Vote: has 81.30 % from 353 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: school
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Vote: has 81.21 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: little Johnny, money, school, teacher, wife
Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in DC. The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job. As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I learned to be clean and sanitary."  The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless. As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Yale, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious."  The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In kindergarten, I learned not to piss on my hands."
Vote: has 80.92 % from 96 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: school
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?" Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!" The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth." Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story... After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
Vote: has 80.83 % from 275 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bible, little Johnny, religious, school
Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Boy: “I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.”
Vote: has 80.82 % from 234 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: school
Teacher:Maria please point to America on the map. Maria:This is it. Teacher:Well done. Now class, who found America? Class:Maria did.
Vote: has 80.71 % from 359 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: geography, school, teacher
You know your f*cked when the Asian says, "shit", during the test.
Vote: has 80.41 % from 1486 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: racist, school


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