The best school jokes

Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little attention." Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
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has 81.45 % from 350 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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has 81.31 % from 359 votes. More jokes about: school
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
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has 81.30 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: college, money, school, student
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"
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has 81.26 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family, school
Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets. So, he decided to take advantage of it. One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!" His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?" "Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!" Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?" "Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face. The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman. He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!" The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"
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has 81.18 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, kids, money, school
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?" Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!" The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth." Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story... After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
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has 80.97 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: bible, little Johnny, religious, school
Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Boy: “I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.”
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has 80.91 % from 241 votes. More jokes about: school
Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do? Christy: I'd climb a tree. Teacher: if the lion climbs a tree? Christy: I will jump in the lake and swim. Teacher: if the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you? Christy: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion's?
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has 80.88 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: animal, school, teacher
Teacher:Maria please point to America on the map. Maria:This is it. Teacher:Well done. Now class, who found America? Class:Maria did.
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has 80.37 % from 375 votes. More jokes about: geography, school, teacher
Jimmy: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do? Teacher: no, of course not. Jimmy: good, because i didn't do my homework.
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has 80.27 % from 690 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
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