The best school jokes

Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college. Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. Peter: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
Vote:
has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, college, school
A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider. "Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks. "To take away the pain," sobs the little girl. "What do you mean?" the teacher asks. "Well," sobs the little girl. "I overheard my big sister say that whenever she has a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in cider."
Vote:
has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: school
There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks. No one finished it. Why? Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick. It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!
Vote:
has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, school, sport
A father went to take his daughter from school. While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!" "With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her. "Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"
Vote:
has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, school, work
At school, a soldier spoke to Johnny's class. Johnny felt enthusiastic about joining the military, so he went home and told his dad. To his surprise, this was the biggest step forward in his life, so his dad decided to explain the military to him. "Son, I'll teach you what you need to know about the military. The Army and Navy are the only two REAL branches of our military. The Marine Corps is a cult. The Coast Guard is playing a game called 'Pretend Navy Since 1915'." So Johnny asks his dad, "what about the Air Force?" Johnny's dad explained to him, "well son, the Air Force is like a giant corporation. Just a bunch of people sitting at desks playing Flight Simulator and bullshitting with each other." By that time, Johnny was amazed and decided he wanted to join the military, but wanted to know what his daddy did. "What did you do in the military, dad?" "Well son, I spoke Chinese and shot at the Americans in Vietnam."
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: air force, little Johnny, military, navy, school
Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Alex: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Vote:
has 52.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!
Vote:
has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: geography, school, teacher
One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home. He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?" His father replied, "Figure it out." Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?" The teacher said: "Figure it out." Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
Vote:
has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, math, school, stupid
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"
Vote:
has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: kids, school
There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor. A white family lives on the top floor. A mexican family lives on the second floor. A nigger family lives on the botom floor. At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it. Which family lived? The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.
Vote:
has 52.04 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: family, racist, school, weather
<<<30313233
More jokes →
Page 30 of 40.