Chuck Norris got into Cambridge... without any qualifications.
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The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long?
Hit the damned ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.
I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Give me a break!
You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."
A student to his teacher: "I haven't got no pencil."
Teacher, correcting him: "You don't have any pencil.
He doesn't have any pencils.
We don't have any pencils."
Student, with a look of astonishment: "Where have all the pencils gone?"
Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
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When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.
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They wanted something long and hard.....
I gave them MY HOMEWORK!